Chapter 18 — Residential Laundries, Novitiates, Hostels and other settings

Current circumstances

Fifteen (15) witnesses reported that they required counselling and therapy currently or in the past, a number of whom described the benefit for themselves and for their families. My counsellor, she was a life-saver really. She understands, she was very conscious of the fact of the effect it could have on me. She is the one person I don’t feel ashamed with, I felt ashamed most of my life, I felt bad most of my life. I’m working hard at not feeling bad again.... When I walk up the street I’m still very much on the edge....

Six (6) male witnesses reported that they had histories of involvement in criminal activity and associated violence, four of whom gave accounts of having served custodial sentences. These witnesses each reported being abused in more than one out-of-home facility as children. ...Thirty five years ago this happened to me.... I know I’m a decent person or I was a decent person until I was 14 years of age, I didn’t know anything. I just feel bitter and resentful, why I couldn’t have a better life, a better marriage and do the things a father wants to be? I’ll never be their father because I’m not around.... It carried with me all my life, the violence, which I’m not proud of...

Difficulties in work situations, overcoming poor self-image, lack of self-worth and educational disadvantage was commonly reported. Female witnesses described being anxious, fearful, lacking trust and having episodes of tearfulness. A number of those who had experienced abuse in laundries and other residential facilities described effects such as claustrophobia, sleep disturbance, enduring anger, and shame related to having been ‘inside an institution’. Other witnesses described feelings of guilt and self-blame, which in some instances led them to feel that they were responsible for the sexual and other abuse they had suffered: I couldn’t have a man who showed friendship to me. Every time you had a good job I moved....There was a man who ... (offered assistance with employment)...I couldn’t trust him. That happened a lot of times in my life...

A number of witnesses commented to the Committee that the effects of their childhood abuse ‘are still felt’, and as one witness reported; ‘for several years I had nightmares of being drawn back to the Institution’. Others remarked that coping with memories of childhood abuse is a constant struggle: The older I get I find these years haunt me, I will carry it to the grave with me.... The nuns made you feel as if you’re a nobody and you never have any roots.... As the years go by you try not to be spiteful, I try not to be bitter. ... I have bad days and then I have good days.