Chapter 10 — Positive memories and experiences

Community contact

The kindness of external clergy from the local community was remembered by a small number of witnesses and left a lasting impression. One member of the clergy was reported by several witnesses to use his influence to modify conditions for residents within the School and attempted to ensure their protection. The priest, who used to come in ...(to the School)... he came up and gave me 10 shillings, and a word of kindness. I don’t know how he knew I was going ...(being discharged)... and he didn’t want anything for it. It was such an act of kindness, the nuns gave me 2/6 pence and no word of anything. The bus fare was 4/6 pence, had it not been for him, he probably changed a lot of lives by his act of kindness. I knew there was someone in the world who had been kind, just ...(that)... one act of kindness.

Weekend and holiday families

Seventy five (75) witnesses, 28 male and 47 female, reported on the positive experience of regular visits to weekend and ‘holiday’ families, also known as ‘foster’ families and ‘godparents’, which were facilitated by those in charge of the Schools. Witnesses reported that visits to these families provided an experience of family life, with appropriate care and attention that in many instances has lasted to the present day. Contact with ‘godparents’ and ‘foster’ and ‘holiday’ families were regarded by some witnesses as protective as they had access to someone outside the School.

The positive experience of becoming involved in family life, forming attachments and having relationships outside the School in a non-abusive environment was commented on by many witnesses. Further positive memories of ‘holiday’ family contact included the experience of respect for privacy in matters of self-care, being given new and fashionable clothes, receiving Christmas and birthday presents, and having better and more plentiful food. ‘Godparents’, ‘holiday’, work placement and foster families were also reported by a number of witnesses as acting as advocates for them and as challenging punitive decisions made by the religious staff concerning witnesses. Twenty eight (28) witnesses described being treated as a member of the family and reported being given assistance to pursue further education and training. My first job, the people ...(work placement family)... were very nice, they were very good to me. Br ...X... fixed up all that, they took me everywhere. They took me out for meals. They were like a mother and father.... • Going out to “godmother’s” family opened my eyes to how life could be, they were very kind and fought to keep the contact when the nuns stopped it because they thought I was spoilt ... they saved my sanity.

Family contact

Seventy one (71) witnesses, 32 male and 39 female, reported that contact with their own parents, siblings and relatives was a positive experience that was greatly valued. Annual holidays spent with family at Christmas or summer as well as visits from parents, grandparents and other family members were regarded as something to look forward to and were reported by witnesses to be a protective factor against beatings. Further, ongoing family contact after admission was consistently emphasised by witnesses as having a positive influence on reintegration with their families after discharge. The positive value of letters, parcels and other chance contacts such as meeting and seeing brothers and sisters while out walking or in the church were also recalled as positive memories by witnesses. The family was supportive and kept in contact, visits, parcels, and summer holidays home. I went back home.

Efforts made by parents and relatives to visit and stay in contact with witnesses, following admission to the Schools, were also retained as good memories. A number of witnesses were aware during their stay in the Schools that their parents and/or relatives made considerable efforts to maintain contact with them and support them while they were there. Others became fully aware in recent years of the efforts made in this regard. Mam always came to visit us during school holiday, Christmas and Easter and that. She was working in London.

Response to disclosure

Eighty (80) witnesses, 46 male and 34 female, reported that when they disclosed abuse, their complaints were dealt with in a positive manner and generally the abuse ceased. Disclosures of abuse were made to parents, relatives, siblings, external professionals, gardaí, religious and lay staff including Resident Mangers and others in positions of authority. The relief of being listened to and believed was described by witnesses as a turning point in their experience of being in the Schools. Positive responses to disclosures of abuse included being moved from the situation where the abuse occurred, having reports of abuse taken up formally by parents and relatives through written representations to the Department of Education and confronting religious staff in charge of the Schools regarding the reported abuse. Further positive responses to these interventions included early discharge from the Schools, the dismissal or admonishment of abusive staff and the cessation of further abuse. I told my mother about a lot of the abuse. She wrote in to the Minister and she conveyed my complaints and she got a letter back to say “in view of the circumstances I am releasing ...witness... to the custody of his mother”.

At times positive outcomes were reported to have occurred as a direct response to the disclosure and in other instances witnesses reported that they were initially punished but that subsequently the abuse ceased, their abuser left or they were granted an early discharge. One witness reported that she was regularly beaten by the lay teacher in the outside school she attended. She reported that the Resident Manager visited her classroom and successfully confronted the teacher, following which the abuse stopped.

Friendship

Forty nine (49) witnesses, 18 male and 31 female, reported that friendships with co-residents were an important and positive experience for them during their time in the Schools. Many described establishing strong friendship bonds with co-residents that are maintained to the present day. Some witnesses who had no known family contact described these friends and former co-residents as their ‘real family’. Twenty three (23) witnesses also described the importance of friendships with boys and girls from the local towns who were in class with them or who they met through sport or other activities. They recounted positive memories of classmates who were friendly towards them in the playground, invited them to their homes, to attend birthday parties and who gave them comics, sweets and small gifts.

Thirty one (31) female witnesses from eight Schools gave varying accounts of ongoing friendship networks including some who meet regularly and support each other through life crises. A number of witnesses were accompanied to the Committee by women who had been their childhood friends and others who provided support to them when they were first discharged from the Schools many years ago. Witnesses described the importance of their friendships with men and women who ‘really understand what it was like to have been there’. Other witnesses described the enormous sense of loss they experienced when discharges precluded the opportunity to say goodbye to their friends. Never being able to say goodbye to your friends, that is my real tragedy, it haunts me to this day. All these years wondering what has happened to them are they alive, are they dead? We were so close, we were as close as sisters.

Work

A number of witnesses described the experience of working on the farms and in the kitchens as a positive memory. Twenty (20) male witnesses reported that farm work was a sanctuary for them as they were left alone and enjoyed the work. A number of the witnesses described the farmyards and fields as places of safety ‘away from the battering’ that also provided access to extra food. Potato picking was not too bad because there was a big fire at the end and you could cook the potatoes, we did it for local farmers and got half a crown at the end of it.

Other aspects of work were reported by witnesses as positive experiences. For example, one witness enjoyed ploughing with workhorses kept on the School’s farm and another had a particular talent for handling animals. Witnesses commented on the pleasure they got from working alongside kind staff in these areas. One witness described looking forward to the days when she worked on the School’s farm: She ...(Sr X)... gave me extra eggs and potatoes and I always remember the good feeling I had ...(working with her)....

A number of female witnesses mentioned caring for young children as a valued opportunity to relate affectionately to another person. In this context 14 female witnesses recalled with fondness older girls who cared for and protected them when they were young and in a small number of instances reported maintaining contact with them in the years since.

Post-discharge

In addition to routine assistance received from staff when they were being discharged, seven male and 29 female witnesses reported receiving further assistance from religious and lay staff when they got into personal or employment difficulties after leaving the School. The witnesses emphasised how important this help was to them and remember with gratitude the assistance they received. A number of witnesses reported being rescued from homelessness and were offered temporary accommodation in the School. There were a number of reports of alternative employment being found for witnesses by the staff in such circumstances where their first job was not satisfactory. Following discharge... We had to write back to them, report back to them, and if we were in need of a job we had to report back to them again. We had no other place to turn, the only place we could turn was back there. I finally wrote back to Mother ...X... and told her the situation. “Come back” she said “you could probably do with a couple of days, come back. You can stay here and we’ll have a chat about a job” she said. I gave in my notice and went back, for 6 months I think. They were very nice to me when I got back and she said “what kind of a job would you like?” ... (Placed by religious staff in satisfactory alternative employment) • This man...(named priest)... approached me, he said “have you got a job?”...he said “I run a boys’ hostel”, he took us to the boys’ home and he made a phone call. Then he called us and put us on the bus and the first stop was the General Post Office in London. He took us in to the post office and he had a word with the manager, he... (manager)... called us in one by one and said “you just have been released from the Free State Army... what time would you like to start?” I said “what shifts have you? I’ll take the one at night time. I’ll start tonight. He said “you’re not in the country a day yet”...The priest got all 12 of us jobs...5 bob a week in the hostel, all meals threw in. I stayed 2 and a half years.

Three (3) witnesses who had early unplanned pregnancies reported being given shelter and support by the Schools while their babies were young. One witness reported that, shortly after her discharge, she and her family were given financial assistance to return to Ireland from poor circumstances in the UK. Others reported being assisted to find employment in the local area when they could not settle further away. A small number of female witnesses reported having maintained contact with individual religious Sisters over many years, receiving gifts when they got married and being assisted to finish their education and pursue careers. ‘The staff were kind to me on the whole. They sent me a cheque when I married.’

Care and education provided

A small number of witnesses were appreciative of the staff that cared for them even though they wished to make clear that they also experienced abuse in the Schools. ‘They gave children a great life, they did not mean what they did, no matter how cruel they were, where would I have been without them?’ Some witnesses expressed the view that the religious and lay staff in charge of them probably did the best they could under difficult circumstances and four witnesses said that in retrospect, they appreciated the sense of security provided by being contained in an institutional environment when they were young.