Chapter 14 — Children’s Homes

Knowledge of abuse

A witness who reported persistent sexual abuse over a number of years stated that his abusive experience led to bed-wetting, and his attempts to discuss his abuse with staff were ignored: ‘We all started wetting the bed, no staff ever asked ‘why are you wetting the bed, what’s wrong with you?’

Positive experiences

Forty nine (49) witnesses, 29 male and 20 female, reported having had positive experiences and some good memories of their time in Children’s Homes. Fifteen (15) witnesses described the kindness of particular religious staff, the absence of punishment, and protection from beatings as positive experiences. Staff were also reported to have demonstrated kindness by providing extra food. Seven (7) witnesses commented on the kindness of two named female religious staff from one Children’s Home. ‘She ... (Sr X)... was elderly and always told me to smile when I was down, I still do it and it works.’

Twelve (12) witnesses reported that various lay staff were kind and attempted to care and provide for their needs by protecting them from abuse and other harm.

For some witnesses the sense of security and attention they experienced while in the infirmaries or in hospital was a positive experience. Three (3) witnesses commented on the kindness of the nun in charge of one infirmary: ‘I enjoyed going to the infirmary and the attention I got there’.

Twelve (12) witnesses described any contact with family members, including visits or holidays at home and visits from parents, siblings and grandparents as their abiding good memory of their time in the Homes. Nine (9) other witnesses reported that ongoing family contact both protected them from abuse and enabled them to reintegrate more readily with their families when they were discharged.

Nine (9) witnesses described the positive value of the education they received, including their success in State examinations. Others described good memories of attending school outside the institutions, supportive teachers, friendship with pupils from the local community, and interaction with people from the local towns.

Six (6) witnesses reported that their involvement with Gaelic games or Irish dancing was beneficial and enjoyable. Others valued the opportunity of learning to play musical instruments.

Five (5) witnesses appreciated the value of visiting ‘holiday’ families or ‘godparents’ and working for local families. They stated that contact with families outside the Homes enabled them to experience family life and commented that relationships established through those placements had sustained them as children and in adult life. Others commented on the help they received while in their work placements from both lay and religious staff. A female witness reported she benefited from support she received from a religious Sister: ‘... there was one nun there who let me type in the evenings ... she was very helpful ... she was so, so nice, she was kind’.

Seven (7) male witnesses who reported sexual abuse in Children’s Homes commented that they appreciated the overall care and education provided to them. Other witnesses, both male and female, commented that they benefited from opportunities to return to the Homes when they were discharged, for aftercare group support. A female witness stated: ‘You would go back to where you were brought up. They had a monthly meeting to see how you were getting on and things ... ‘

Current circumstances

Sixty one (61) witnesses gave accounts to the Committee of their current life circumstances and the effects of their childhood abuse experiences on their subsequent lives and relationships. Witnesses provided information about their social circumstances, family relationships, occupation, health, and the ongoing impact of their childhood abuse.

The Committee heard consistent reports from witnesses of their difficulties establishing and maintaining secure, stable relationships in adult life. Many witnesses reported an inability to trust and relate in intimate relationships. They believed these difficulties to be a consequence of childhood abuse, including the deprivation of secure emotional attachments and nurturing relationships. Others described difficulties and differences with their partners in communication, conflict resolution and parenting styles.

The following table illustrates the status and length of the witnesses’ relationships as they reported at the time of their hearings:

Duration	0-19 yrs	20-39 yrs	40-59 yrs	Total Witnesses
Status of relationship	Males	Females	Males	Females	Males	Females
Married	1	1	19	7	2	4	34
Single	1	2	5	0	3	2	13
Separated	2	1	1	0	0	0	4
Co-habiting	2	1	0	0	0	0	3
Divorced	0	1	0	2	0	0	3
Widowed	2	2	0	0	0	0	4
Total	8	8	25	9	5	6	61

Forty five (45) witnesses, 27 male and 18 female, were or had been married, 32 of whom had been married for more than 20 years at the time of their hearing. Nineteen (19) of the 45 witnesses, 12 male and seven female, described being happily married. Others described marriage as providing stability and a sense of connection: ‘I married the first person that showed me love’.

Eight (8) witnesses, six male and two female, reported that they were married before they were 20 years old and had conflictual, ambivalent and, in some instances, violent relationships in the early years of marriage. Another five witnesses, one male and four female, reported being involved in violent relationships where alcohol abuse and issues relating to control contributed to marital difficulties.

Thirty nine (39) witnesses, 28 male and 11 female, reported that the inability to trust and relate in intimate relationships were key features of their relationships with spouses and partners. Male witnesses more commonly remarked on their inability to communicate, and their tendency to become isolated, alienated and withdrawn within their partnerships, as one witness commented: ‘It’s hard to be involved, hard to build a bond’. Three (3) witnesses stated that they had never spoken about the abuse they experienced in Children’s Homes to their spouses.