Chapter 17 — Primary and second-level schools

Current circumstances

Witnesses consistently reported that the damaging consequences of their childhood abuse also affected the next generation. Twenty two (22) reports were heard by the Committee of witnesses being excessively harsh, overprotective or of being unable to demonstrate affection to their children. They’ll have a good childhood ... I’ll find a balance. I’m sure it shows through sometimes ... (spouse) ... thinks I’m too liberal with them ... • I don’t think I’ve ever damaged them since... I love them ... they treat me now as the child ... I love it ... we’ve had some hard times together but we get on and they’re great.

Twenty seven (27) witnesses reported that the traumatic effect of their abusive experiences had led to significant distress and reported that they suffered from panic and anxiety attacks. Witnesses also described other continuing effects that had a negative influence on work, social and personal areas of adult life. Many witnesses commented on struggling with anxiety, feelings of guilt, fear of failure and powerlessness. Twenty six (26) witnesses reported that they experienced impulsive anger and at times were aggressive in their behaviour. A male witness who reported sexual abuse over a number of years gave the following description of its enduring effect on many areas of his adult life: I just ran and ran and I’m running since.... I was on the move and have stayed on the move for last 35-40 years. A lot of jobs, a lot of places, big jobs, small jobs, dirt jobs, high jobs.... business is gone, no money... You feel so powerless,... a non-entity...

Forty six (46) witnesses reported that they had required counselling and psychiatric treatment in order to enable them cope with the enduring effects of their childhood abuse. Thirteen (13) of these 46 witnesses reported having received in-patient psychiatric treatment. Eleven (11) of the 46 witnesses reported actively attempting to take their own lives and a further 15 reported that they experienced suicidal thoughts currently or in the past. A witness stated that he had ‘a lot of problems with health... I was in hospital... I spent a year really suicidal.’

Thirty two (32) witnesses reported abusing alcohol, and described other associated distress, including disturbed sleep and at times excessive vigilance and suspicion: ‘If I see people talking I wonder is it about me, I am still running away from it ... (memories of abuse) ...’

Many witnesses commented on the benefit for them of being believed, understood and supported by their counsellors, others in the health services and fellow survivors of abuse. A witness commenting on the value for him of group support stated: ‘... I feel when I come out of the group I’m not on my own, I’m not a freak ...’

Others who reported being repeatedly subjected to severe sexual and physical abuse over a sustained period of time reported that, in spite of their abuser’s criminal conviction, monetary compensation or family support their lives continued to be troubled by feelings of anger and despair. A small number of male witnesses expressed anger that their abusers were transferred to other schools: ‘The rate at which they were moved, I don’t understand why.’ The thing that hurts most is that there was a paedophile ring running in that school, I know 5 guys that were abused and are now dead. Nobody did anything ... dead pupils don’t count .... If they put their hands up and said “what happened was well out of order, what can we do to help?” ...(but)... nobody gives a shit, they do nothing.

A number of witnesses commented that adversarial processes and criminal investigations in recent years had both reactivated the trauma of past abuses and brought some relief and validation. It isn’t like as if it was all those years ago, it’s like as if it was 5 minutes ago ...crying....