Chapter 7 — Record of abuse (male witnesses)

Knowledge of abuse

Many witnesses reported that the risk of being deprived of family visits or being prevented from going home on leave deterred them from disclosing abuse. Others reported that when they did tell someone they were being abused they were either ignored or not believed and as a result they learned to remain silent, believing that nobody would listen to them. A witness who told a priest in Confession about being sexually abused reported that he was told to ‘keep your thoughts to yourself as you could hurt so many people’. Another witness who told his parents that he had been sexually abused reported that: My mother and my father came up to visit me and I told them what had happened ...(sexual abuse)... they confronted Br ...X.... He had a story, told them I was sick and I was hallucinating and they believed him.

Forty four (44) witnesses reported being severely beaten in the context of disclosing both physical and sexual abuse and that the prospect of further beatings was generally sufficient to maintain silence. Witnesses reported being beaten when they told others including staff members, priests in Confession, police and visitors or their parents or relatives that they had been beaten or otherwise abused. Witnesses described an atmosphere of fear that prevented talking about being abused due to the risk of further abuse, as witnesses described: Br ...X... punched a boy in front of all the staff ... to make him retract his story of sexual abuse against Br ...Y... and to make the boy tell everyone he had engaged in sexual activity with another resident. You learned that talking only led one way ... to a beating. • He ...(Br X)... asked me what had happened, and there was a rule in ...named School... that you did not tell on another Brother because he would beat you up. So I could not tell him and he kept me in the dormitory for a few days and the same thing happened again ...(the sexual abuse continued)....

A witness who disclosed being sexually abused by a Brother while on an outing reported the consequence for him: The next morning I told ...co-resident (about physical and sexual abuse)... and he took me to Br ...X (Resident Manager)... and he said I was talking “badness”. I told him exactly what had happened, and he gave me a hiding, he punched and kicked me. He used a short stick, blackjacks we used to call them. He used to bend you over the bench, sometimes a monitor used to hold you or sometimes another Brother. But this time he took me to the hall to give me the hiding.

Thirteen (13) witnesses who disclosed their experiences of abuse to their parents reported being discharged home or granted early release following representations to the Department of Education and other authorities. In some instances these representations were made directly to the Minister, also through local politicians, and by writing to the Department. In most reported instances the representations were made by the witnesses’ parents. There were three reports of early release being facilitated by external professionals. There were six further reports of representations being made to external authorities for the witnesses’ early release that were denied. One witness reported that his mother attempted to obtain the services of a solicitor, without success, in her effort to report abusive behaviour and obtain early release. Another witness reported being offered early release in return for his silence: After I was raped and got a terrible beating by 2 men, they beat the shit out of me. Their faces were distorted. I couldn’t see who they were. I barely crawled to the door, the nurse sent me to ...named... hospital. ... After I came out of the hospital Fr ...X... he was director at that time, he called me in and said ... “if you say you weren’t beaten up we will let you out of here in a few days”. I was just trying to get home, like, so I said I wasn’t beaten. He called all the Brothers in, there was a garda there and everything. He ...(Fr X)... said “now ... tell them what you told me”. So I said I wasn’t beaten. All I wanted to do was get home, so I got home.

A number of witnesses reported positive responses to disclosure, including 20 reports of the abuser being removed or transferred and 17 accounts of the abuser being reprimanded in some way. These witnesses reported being most often aware of positive outcomes of their disclosure by a cessation of abuse and a belief that their abuser was disciplined. Such outcomes followed eight reports to Resident Managers or others in charge, by the witnesses or their parents.

There were isolated accounts heard of positive outcomes as a result of the assertive intervention of parents, relatives, professionals and members of the public following disclosures of abuse by witnesses. For example a witness reported that when he absconded following a beating he was given a lift by a member of the public to whom he disclosed details of his abuse. This person treated him kindly and convinced him to return to the School where he spoke to the person in charge regarding the alleged abuse. The witness reported that he was not subsequently punished or beaten and that the person returned some time later to check on his welfare.

The Committee heard isolated reports of lay staff members being dismissed. In one situation a lay teacher was reported to the Resident Manager by a group of residents after an incident of sexual abuse. Other witnesses reported being moved to a different dormitory as protection from the negative attentions of a night watchman. Less frequent beatings from a care worker followed an intervention by one witness’s grandfather.

Witnesses recalled that Brothers ‘disappeared’ from time to time and it was assumed there had been complaints about them. The Committee heard a small number of accounts of Brothers leaving in the wake of a particular incident of abuse. Most often the reports were of a Brother’s absence noticed in the belief he had been ‘sent away’ as a witness described: ...he was evil, you would never know when he would come up behind you. He was taken out the back way one afternoon and he was never seen again, thanks be to God.

While 25 witnesses reported that disclosing abuse to their parents resulted in a positive outcome where the abuse ceased and they were either protected or released, 12 witnesses reported that their parents were unable or unwilling to believe that religious staff were abusive. Some parents were reported to regard the witnesses’ abuse as justified punishment for misconduct, believing ‘the Brothers could do no wrong’. I told my father what was going on ...(sexual abuse).... I told him what Br ...X... was doing to me, and the father thumped me and said “how dare you say anything like that?” There was nothing physical for him there to see, if I had cuts or bruises he would have believed me.

Witnesses response to abuse

Three hundred and eight (308) witnesses reported that fear was their predominant response to the abuse they both observed and experienced and that on occasion they feared for their own and others’ lives. Eleven (11) witnesses reported fearing that they would be killed. Witnesses also described harming or attempting to harm themselves in the context of being abused. They reported wishing that the physical or sexual abuse they were subjected to would cease and being unable to trust that anyone would help or believe them if they disclosed what was happening. We never told anyone what was happening. We thought they had the right to do what they were doing, to beat us. Why would we tell anyone when they would only beat us more? We were terrified of those men in long trousers, we were just little fellas in short trousers. The worst part for me was the dormitory and the bed-wetting ...(and the beatings).... I still wet the bed and hate going away anywhere because I am so embarrassed about it. I tried to kill myself there.

Ninety five (95) witnesses reported absconding and another 28 reported that they tried to run away in order to escape the environment of fear and repeated physical and sexual abuse, including flogging. Resisting sexual abuse was reported to generally result in physical violence and further sexual abuse. There were 14 witness accounts of sexual abuse ceasing following gestures of resistance and avoidance. In a number of instances these witness reported subsequently becoming the target of routine physical abuse. One day in the laundry he ...(Br X)... was coming up behind me, I knew what he wanted ...(sexual abuse)... and I just freaked. I picked up the first thing that came into my hand, I hit him and knocked his glasses off. He kicked me up the arse and that was it, I was out of the laundry ...(where witness had been working).... He was always at me after that, every chance he’d get he would have me down on my knees in the yard as punishment for something. • He, Fr...X..., would take out 6 or 7 for walks and would sexually abuse you, you know. If you protested well then he would not bring you the next time ...(out for walks).... I got punished when I protested, I got punished after that for no reason. • The farmers ...(residents who worked on farm)... were always the last in to the showers. It ...(sexual abuse)... only happened when you were clean. Other times you would stink and they wouldn’t touch you, so I used let myself really stink.

Two hundred and eight (208) witnesses described not knowing what to do in response to being abused. They reported feeling helpless and defenceless and under constant threat of further abuse. Very seldom, boys did fight back, they had great courage. ... God did they have courage those who fought back. I always regret I didn’t fight back ...crying.... You knew from the day you arrived no one was going to help you, there was no one.

One hundred and forty six (146) witnesses who had been threatened or punished following disclosure of abuse reported that they subsequently withdrew emotionally and isolated themselves as they felt powerless and did not trust that any protection was available. Other responses included screaming, crying, suppressing anger, bed-wetting and soiling. Of those who reported a history of bed-wetting while in the School a large number reported that they did not wet their bed prior to admission. ‘I became a very bad bed-wetter I had never been a bed-wetter before. ... Every night I was there for 5 years there was a list called out of those who had wet the bed.’ I lived in terror and fear. I started wetting the bed, I never did it before. You would stand at the end of the bed for the punishment ... slaps with a leather strap all over. ... I tried not to sleep I’d try and hide the stain, so as not to be punished. It became a way of life. Some boys could take a hundred slaps and would not cry, others would be screaming for mercy. • But even when you weren’t being hit, you could hear this echo, in this big dormitory like a hall, and you could hear the crushing sound, and the blow, and the screams, night after night after night. I used to do this ...demonstrated rocking motion... to take me away from it, the beatings and the screaming and the fear. I wanted to stop it, I would dream about getting a gun and shooting them to stop it.

Eighteen (18) witnesses reported that they attempted to commit suicide and actively harmed themselves during their time in the Schools, most frequently in the context of being sexually abused or being consistently physically abused. Attempts at self-harm included throwing themselves from heights, ingesting objects, overdosing on veterinary medication, self-mutilation, attempted drowning and self-inflicted burns. Others described having suicidal thoughts or a wish to die or hurt themselves. I cut myself, overdosed, swallowed pins. I was ashamed and embarrassed. ... I ripped myself apart, cut myself, legs, arms. I mean seriously, I was admitted to hospital.... • I tried to kill myself in the time I was there. I locked myself in the bathroom and I was running against the wall trying to injure my head on the wall. I think there was an awful lot of fellas who did commit suicide. You had nobody, absolutely nobody. You couldn’t turn to anybody, you never felt safe, the kitchen, the dormitories, the farmyard. I used to go into a cupboard and cry. • I went down and got a piece of glass and cut my hand. I didn’t care what happened, I just wanted to get out of the School. I just thought that by cutting my hand I’d be taken up to the hospital and could tell someone there. The nurse saw my hand cut and asked me what happened and I told her ...(about being severely beaten by Br X).... I was terrified they ...(Brothers)... would know I’d told her, she created murder and told Fr ...Y.... But he did nothing. • When I was in bed I used to cry and wish I’d die. I’d think “I don’t want to wake up”. Whenever you were in the dormitory you knew there was something going to happen to you. You’d want to be dead instead of waking up.

In addition to the witnesses who reported harming themselves, a number also reported that they contemplated harming lay and religious staff who were abusive and in five instances described actively doing so.