Chapter 9 — Record of abuse (female witnesses)

Knowledge of abuse

Eighteen (18) of the 38 witnesses who reported telling their parents that they were being abused and 17 other witnesses who reported abuse to authority figures within the Schools reported that their disclosures instigated positive and protective responses including the dismissal of abusive staff. Witnesses reported that disclosures of abuse to parents was more often believed, but that parental intervention did not always lead to a cessation of abuse. I did not get out of the bed for nearly 3 months ...(following severe beating)... and when I did I found it very hard to walk. The Reverend Mother came up to me after about 2 months and she said “...X... I know who did this.” I said “I’m not going to tell”. She said “I’ll say the name and then we’ll see about it, you don’t have to tell.” ... Sr ...Y...was gone out of the home after that, she was gone ... for a certain period ... she disappeared.

Following their disclosures of abuse 10 witnesses reported being protected from further abuse either by being moved to a different area in the School away from the reported abuser, being transferred from the School to a safe environment or being discharged. Two (2) other witnesses reported that less severe beatings from religious staff followed an intervention from their parents. One witness, who told a hospital nurse about being abused, had her hospital admission extended over the Christmas period. There was a change with a new Reverend Mother, she took a liking to me and I was like a pet, she took me in the parlour and gave me cake, it ...(sexual abuse)... all stopped then.

Four (4) female witnesses from one School made reference to the positive intervention and kindness of a member of the clergy who recognised the difficulties they experienced; he was trusted by the residents and listened to their concerns. The witnesses said that they were not punished as a consequence of confiding in him. In their view he facilitated changes that were appreciated; for example he arranged for residents to participate in recreational activities in the local area and for them to be provided with more fashionable clothes. This member of the clergy was also reported to have helped several witnesses by arranging supportive holiday families and employment placements for them, where they thrived. Witnesses said that his intervention protected them from further abuse.

Sixteen (16) disclosures made to Resident Managers and external professionals resulted in abusers being either admonished or removed, or the resident being moved. A witness told a local priest that she was being sexually abused in her work placement and was moved from the house the following day and protected from further abuse. In seven instances witnesses reported Gardaí became aware of their abuse and in some instances investigated the reports made to them. Four (4) reported running away after beatings and were returned to the School by Gardaí, who were generally sympathetic. One witness’s father went to the Gardaí and she was returned to the School on the understanding that she would not be beaten again. The witness said that she was treated better subsequently. Another witness presented herself to the Gardaí and told them she had been abused; they returned her to the School and were critical of the religious staff for failing to report her absence. A witness from a different School having disclosed abuse reported the following outcome: One day I was called to the parlour and Sr ...X (Resident Manager)... was there and there was a Garda there, he had a hat under his arm, he said to me “I don’t want you to tell me about anything else just ...Y (ancillary male lay staff)...”. You see I had started to tell him about Mr ...Z (holiday family father)... who had ...(also)... abused me. He said “I don’t want you to tell me about that, I only want you to tell me about ...Y...”. I told him everything that happened. I never saw ...Y... again.

Witnesses stated that they believed lay care staff and ancillary workers in a number of Schools were aware that residents were being abused, and that at times they indicated sympathy and expressions of comfort. However, these lay staff were described by a number of witnesses as powerless to act as their livelihood depended on the goodwill of the religious Sisters. In other instances witnesses believed that abuse was part of the culture of the institution and that residents were powerless to change anything by disclosing mistreatment.

Seventeen (17) witnesses reported being severely physically abused when they disclosed that they had been sexually abused by either priests or other members of the clergy, men in families to whom they were sent for weekends, holidays or to work and members of the general public. A witness said that she was told ‘wash out your dirty mouth’ when she disclosed being sexually abused by a priest. When a witness disclosed sexual abuse by a ‘holiday’ father she was told ‘you are making this up about the good people taking you out’. Witnesses reported being compelled to maintain their silence about abuse they experienced from adults held in high regard by the religious Sisters.

There were six reports of witnesses being beaten and punished for other forms of disclosure including telling inspectors that preparations had been made for their visit and sending a letter of complaint regarding abuse to a relative. Other witnesses said they were punished for telling priests that they were abused, one of these disclosures was in Confession. A further witness stated that she was punished for telling the Resident Manager about a religious Sister who had beaten a resident.

Following their disclosures of abuse a small number of witnesses reported being ostracised and isolated from both staff and co-residents, three others reported being transferred to a more isolated School. Sr ...X... she beat me inhuman, she tore me hair out, a big tuft of hair. I picked the hair up and put it underneath the stage and got out through the window and headed to my father. I said “Dad please help me I can’t take anymore”. ... The policeman come knocking at the door. He ...(witness’s father)... showed the hair to the policeman and the bruises all on my body.... he said “how can anyone do that?” ...The policeman said “you bring her back on your word” to my father ...(who lived nearby).... He brought me back.... When I went back in she Sr ...X... told the girls my father was dirt and he was this and that, none was to speak to me. ... So I was like a hermit, done me chores, went to bed in the dormitory and no one could talk to me.

Witnesses response to abuse

Witnesses reported a range of personal responses to being abused, often reporting more than one response: Two hundred and eighty five (285) witnesses reported fear as their main response to being abused; 251 of those witnesses specifically described staff using their status and authority to intimidate and bully the residents. One hundred and ninety three (193) witnesses reported that they did not know what to do and felt powerless to act, with no one to talk to or protect them. One hundred and forty six (146) witnesses who reported becoming withdrawn or mute in the context of ongoing abuse stated that they were afraid of telling anyone what was happening to them. Witnesses described ‘trying to be invisible’ in order to avoid the attention of anyone who might hit or otherwise abuse them. Forty three (43) witnesses reported that they ran away or absconded from the School generally in the context of being severely physically and/or sexually abused. A further 16 witnesses attempted to run away but were either caught or prevented from doing so. Seventeen (17) witnesses reported having suicidal thoughts, 12 of whom reported actively harming themselves while they were resident in the Schools. All attempts of reported self-harm followed episodes of physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Most accounts of suicidal thoughts or wishes related to situations where witnesses described themselves as hoping the abuse would end, not being believed and feeling fearful and helpless. Forms of reported self-harm included taking an overdose of tablets, attempted drowning, refusing to eat, ingesting objects and poisonous substances, jumping from heights, and self-harm by mutilation or burns. Eight (8) witnesses reported that they developed eating disorders or feigned illness, which in some instances led to hospitalisation. One day I thought I would poison myself. ... I sat down one day all on my own ...crying... and I got a bundle of haws and started putting them in my mouth and I said “maybe God will take me” ...crying.... ... It didn’t work. In the month of the poor souls I always prayed that someone would come and take me ...(wishing would die).... • Sometimes the window would be open, and I’d say “I’ll jump out the window if you touch me again”. One time I said “I’m going to drop down to the concrete and kill myself if you touch me”. I got 3 weeks of beatings for that. • One day ... I got a beating. I thought I’m going to end up killing myself, I can’t take any more, I wanted to kill myself. We went out and walked along by the railway tracks and walked along waiting for the train to come to throw myself under it. If I seen a train ... I’d be ready for a coffin....

Other responses to abuse described by witnesses included: bed-wetting, self-blame, suppression of anger, crying and becoming withdrawn. ‘I went into myself after that ...(severe beating)... sort of gave up, never talked to anyone, went into myself. I stopped talking.’ Many witnesses reported that they had not bed-wet prior to their admission and considered bed-wetting to be a response to being abused. I was getting terrible lashings. Sometime it would be 2 nuns, sometimes it would be one, you got the stick, the cane. I did not know why they were lashing me and then I realised it was for wetting the bed.... I had started to wet the bed.... There would be nights I wouldn’t sleep for fear I would wet the bed.

A witness who had experienced consistent abuse in a School reported that she deliberately remained in contact with the staff and residents after she was discharged and continued to visit the School where she had been placed for many years ‘to keep an eye on things for the younger kids’.

Ten (10) witnesses reported that they intervened to protect another resident, sometimes their sister or brother, from being beaten and others described instances of spontaneous assertion in retaliation to being abused, including both physically and verbally challenging their abuser. Assertive responses resulted at times in protection from further beatings and at other times witnesses were punished, isolated or transferred to other institutions. Some witnesses described feeling relief when they stood up for themselves. I stood up for myself, I had to fight back or I wouldn’t have come out alive. • They put me into a kind of detention room after that ...(confrontation with religious Sister).... For a week I was on my own.... I said to myself maybe it’s me causing the trouble. I kinda went in on myself after that. • I just rebelled and I tore off her veil and called her a bloody old bitch. She dragged me off by the hair, she said “that’s the last of you”. She ran off up the corridor and I knew I was in for it then, she always threatened ...(that)... she would get rid of me and she did. She sent me off that night to ...named laundry....

In summary, this chapter has provided an overview of abuse reported to the Committee by 378 female witnesses in relation to Schools over a 74-year period between 1914 and 1988. The reported abuse was differentiated by type and presented accordingly with direct quotes from witnesses, some of whom were recounting their experiences of abuse for the first time. Witnesses also gave accounts of the circumstances in which the abuse occurred and the traumatic impact of their experiences both at the time and as they were recalled. In addition, the information provided about the status and occupations of those who were reported abusers is included with witness accounts of what they believe was known about the abuse they experienced at the time.

The following two chapters will provide information on positive memories and experiences in the Schools and the current life circumstances, including the enduring impact of abuse, reported by the 791 male and female witnesses.