Chapter 9 — Record of abuse (female witnesses)

Emotional abuse

Fifty four (54) witnesses reported being called derogatory names and being subjected to derisory comments. Others reported being treated with hostility and told they were not liked by anybody. The classrooms and dormitories were the most frequently cited locations of such ridicule, which focussed on academic difficulties, their parent’s impoverished circumstances, their personal appearance and hygiene. The emphasis was on making you submit, cower, creep, crawl, we were beaten if we were sad, “take that glum look off your face” and if you were happy, “why are you smiling? I’ll take you off your high horse”.

Name-calling by lay and religious staff was reported as a common occurrence and included: ‘devil’s handmaid’, ‘tar babies’, ‘shawlies’, ‘Baluba’, ‘pauper’, ‘tinker’, ‘trash’, ‘dirty stinking trollop’, ‘illegitimate’, ‘slut’, ‘sinners’, ‘bastards’, ‘idiot’, ‘dunce’, ‘thick’, ‘liar’, ‘bandy legs’, ‘wet the bed’, ‘Dublin nobodies’, and ‘street kids’.

One hundred and twenty four (124) witnesses gave accounts of being personally ridiculed, which most commonly involved being ridiculed about soiled bedding and underwear in public by religious staff including Resident Managers. The public demonstration of soiled bedding and clothing was humiliating and a source of great distress. Many witnesses described having their underwear inspected on a regular basis and being punished and publicly ridiculed if they were soiled. It’s so hard, we had no toilet paper, you would have to stand naked. If your knickers were dirty, as they would be after 2 weeks, you would be beaten, by ...Sr X and Sr Y.... • Every week we used have to hold up the gusset of the nicks ... (pants)... and show it off, if it was marked you used to have to stand out in front of the class. I was so terrified ... (that)... I used hold up my clean ones and wear the old ones for weeks.

Witnesses reported that the humiliation of having their soiled pants displayed in public was compounded during adolescent years as signs of menstruation were treated as a grave transgression. Witnesses also reported being called derogatory names in relation to matters of personal hygiene and being subjected to comments that attracted the derision and criticism of others.

Twenty nine (29) witnesses who attended school with children from the local town, frequently referred to as ‘townies’, reported being the subject of ridicule and constant criticism in front of their peers. For example, a witness who was a talented musician and was chosen to perform music in public described the confusion associated with being expected to perform well and then being punished for her success. Mth ...X... hit me across the face with her hand and said “don’t get above your station”. You were expected to play ...(musical instrument)... well and you were punished if you played well.

The humiliation of being segregated in the class by religious staff, some of whom were reported to have a dual role as carer and teacher, and of being identified as ‘orphans’ was described as being the cause of enduring distress and anger by a large number of witnesses. ‘Orphans go down to the back of the class’. Sr ...X... gave us orphans a dog’s life. It was a living nightmare. She called us the scum of the earth, she refused to teach the orphans ...described being excluded from a school pageant.... • We were kept separate from the townies, they were warned we could steal. We had a special entrance and were not allowed mix with them. • We sat together, we knew we were different, we were told we were different. Sr ...X... said “don’t forget where you come from”. ... You were the scum of the earth.... “Get back to the orphanage where you belong.”

Witnesses described being targeted for personal ridicule in many ways, including being made to stand in the classroom wearing a hat with ‘dunce’ written on it or with signs around their necks with ‘liar’ and ‘stupid’ written on them.

There were accounts from five Schools of witnesses being required to kneel down, kiss the floor and beg the Sisters’ forgiveness for perceived transgressions. This punishment was reported to be carried out in front of the assembled residents.

A witness who had been sexually abused within her family described the Resident Manager of the School where she was placed when she was 10 years old telling her co-residents that she was ‘morally dirty’ and that they were not to speak to her or play with her.

One hundred and forty-three (143) witnesses described regular, and at times constant, exposure to frightening situations. In the words of one witness: ‘It was pure fear, you would wake up every day and wonder “what’s going to happen to me today?”’. Witnesses described a pervasive fear of being hit and never knowing what might happen next and being constantly apprehensive about the next episode of abuse. Always screaming, wailing, you would be hearing it as you would be going through the corridor, you would hear the screaming, and you would say “Jesus Christ who is getting beaten today?” • You lived in appalling fear, the most appalling fear, you would be terrified. You did not know at what time you would get a beating. I couldn’t explain to you the fear, it was terrible. There was this nun ... she was a very, very wicked woman.... She beat you whenever she felt like it.

In particular witnesses described hearing the screams of girls locked in cupboards and isolated rooms, having to watch young babies being beaten and being themselves locked outside in yards, sheds or in animal houses. For some witnesses the environment of fear was reinforced by death threats against them and/or their siblings particularly in the context of disclosing abuse. Witnesses described the Schools as places with many locked doors and staff who walked around carrying large bunches of keys. The threat of being locked away in isolation in a cupboard, under the stairs or in a room was a daily reality. There was this girl ...named co-resident... she used wet the bed.... Sometimes the girls would have to put her up on the table in the dining room, and they would put this big nappy on her in front of all the girls. She ...lay care staff... said she would make an example of her, it was terrible, all the little ones would be crying. At night time we would be told to take her ...named co-resident... out to where the coal was. ... It was a very small space with no light and we would have to lock her in. She would just go in like a dog, she was so beaten down, and she was left there all night ...crying.... I almost get sick now when I think of it, that I sometimes turned that key and locked her in ...crying.... It was hard, in your head you were screaming “stop, leave her alone”, you were in such fear ...crying.... She would just pick you out of the line and you had to do it, you’d be beaten, you literally lived in fear for you life.

Fifty one (51) witnesses reported being subjected to the explicit and implicit threat of being ‘sent away’. They reported knowing that co-residents were sent to other more restrictive institutions, including psychiatric hospitals, laundries and Reformatory Schools, often behind a veil of secrecy. If you did anything wrong you would be told the black van will come for you, you lived in fear of being sent away in the black van. Sr ...X... would threaten you if you didn’t go to school or whatever, the black van would come for you. I don’t know ... where they all went, they all went missing. I know one girl is up there in ...named psychiatric hospital.... I went to see her myself, she is there to this day. Sr ...X... said she was mad in the head, and all she used to do was sit in a corner and play the tin whistle. She was sent away in the black van, and then you would say “where is ...named co-resident... gone?” You would be told “she is gone away in the black van”. ... If you did something, like steal the nun’s fresh bread, you would be after doing something you shouldn’t have done or one time a girl set fire to a bin. They were sent away in the black van. • You saw the same atrocities being committed and you could do nothing about it, you tried to do something about it but you were afraid of what would happen to you. I worried in case I would not get out of that place alive, there was a point when I thought “be careful”. There were some girls and you didn’t know what’s happened to them.

A small number of witnesses reported that co-residents who had been ill or who were injured following a severe beating were also among those who disappeared and it was not known whether they had been hospitalised or had died. The fear of being sent away was reinforced by the overnight disappearance of co-residents who were discharged without having the opportunity to say goodbye to their sisters, friends and co-residents. Witnesses described older siblings ‘disappearing’ in this manner and not realising what had happened to them until years later. One witness described her own departure: They told you very quietly you were going, just going now! I got a brown case. You kinda didn’t want to go ...crying.... You couldn’t say goodbye to your friends. Sr ...X... wrote to the family ...(work placement)... and told them not to let me pal with other girls from the School...(also placed locally).

The particular fear associated with these threats of being sent away was the belief that those who were transferred to other institutions were then never released. ‘We suffered the fear of being sent to ...laundry... that was the fear that hung over you. ... I saw many a girl go there, I can name them ...named co-residents.... We never saw them again.’ One witness reported that a co-resident was accused of stealing a small amount of money from a local member of the clergy, as a result of which she was subsequently sent to a psychiatric hospital. There was a room, it was my nightmare that room, I was never sent there. She ...(Sr X)... would send them there, some girls, the ones who fought back, and you would hear them screaming, the screams! And you would never see them again, they would be sent away. I was terrified my sister would be sent to a laundry because some of them girls were.

In addition to the fear of being sent away many witnesses believed they could be retained in the School indefinitely. This belief was partially reinforced by the fact that in many Schools there were former residents who had stayed on in the institution and became part of the staff group. Those regarded as orphans, who had no contact with their own family, described being particularly fearful of this outcome.