4,228 entries for Historical Context

Two (2) witnesses, one male and one female, gave the following accounts of their history and the impact their experience of abuse has had on their adult lives: You would try to block it out of your mind and get on with life but at night it would come, the nightmares.... Crying in bed at night, thinking back on what happened me, it never goes away .... Walking along the street... at night time, you always feared someone was going ...(pause) ... coming behind you ....I always go around with this carving knife in my pocket...cutting my arms was a way of letting the anger out... • I came back to nowhere.... I had nowhere to go. My sister took me in for a while.... I started to get panic attacks, I thought I was dying, I thought I had a brain tumour, the doctor kept on telling me I was alright, it’s not physical. ... I was suicidal, they took me into ... a locked ward, I spent ...(many months)... there. I used to just lose control.... I took overdoses.... Then it...(details of abusive experiences)... started coming out and I started getting angry, I wouldn’t do anything to anybody when I was angry, only to myself and would start cutting my arms ... it was my way of releasing.... They ... (hospital staff) ... said my problems were so deep in the past....

Many of the 38 male and 23 female witnesses described what they believed were the damaging consequences of their experiences of child abuse in Children’s Homes. They described difficulties in many areas of their lives including health, family and social relationships and reported that their childhood experiences of abuse had multiple effects on their adult lives, as outlined in Table 84:

Male witnesses	Female witnesses
Effects on adult life*	Number of reports	Effects on adult life*	Number of reports
Lack of trust	26	Lack of self-worth	20
Angry	19	Lack of trust	16
Counselling required	19	Abuse not easily forgotten	13
Loner	19	Counselling required	13
Suicidal feelings or attempts	19	Feeling different from peers	12
Alcohol abuse	16	Feeling isolated	12
Feeling different from peers	16	Suicidal feelings or attempt	10
Abuse not easily forgotten	14	Loner	8
Feeling isolated	14	Post-traumatic effect	8
Mood instability	14	Unable to show feelings to partner	8
Nightmares	14	Withdrawal	8
Anxious and fearful	13	Angry	7
Aggressive behaviour – verbal	12	Anxious and fearful	7
Lack of self-worth	11	Tearfulness	7
Unable to settle	11	Feelings related to being a victim	7
Feelings related to being a victim	10	Mood instability	7
Unable to show feelings to partner	10	Nightmares	6
Aggressive behaviour – physical	9	Overprotective of children	6
Sleep disturbance	9	Sleep disturbance	6
Unable to show feelings to children	9	Feelings related to being powerless	5
Post-traumatic effect	8	Issues of needing approval	5
Withdrawal	7	Unable to show feelings to children	5
Over harsh with children	6	Alcohol abuse	4
Aggressive behaviour – psychological	5	Find others with similar experiences	4
Tearfulness	5	Issues of self-blame	4
Issues of needing approval	5	Overly compliant behaviour	3
Overprotective of children	5	Sexual problems	3
Sexual problems	5	Aggressive behaviour – verbal	2
Issues of self-blame	4	Fear of failure	2
Feelings related to being powerless	3	Over harsh with children	2
Gender and sexual identity problems	3	Somatic symptoms	2
Thankful for what we have now	3	Aggressive behaviour – physical	1
Fear of failure	2	Aggressive behaviour – psychological	1
Overly compliant behaviour	2	Substance abuse	1
Somatic symptoms	2	Thankful for what we have now	1
Substance abuse	2	Unable to settle	1

The table indicates some gender differences. For instance most of the female witnesses reported issues related to feelings of self-worth compared with less than a third of the male witnesses. Half of the male witnesses reported that they were loners and experienced feelings of unresolved anger, compared with less than a third of the female witnesses.

Sixteen (16) witnesses described feelings of terror, anger and disconnectedness associated with childhood trauma. Others described the fear and enduring shame that sexual abuse generated in them as children and eight witnesses described ongoing psychological and sexual difficulties associated with their sexual abuse. I didn’t go home.... I just started wandering here and there. I went to ...named place of refuge.... I was 13 or 14. I stayed in hostels. Once I came out of there ...(Children’s Home)... I went to hell on the drink, life was really difficult. My life was destroyed, as I get older it gets worse. I ended up in psychiatric hospitals, I used to cut myself up.... I would just get depressed and start thinking of the things that were done to me, it ...(experiences of sexual abuse)...would play on your mind. Then you would think of suicide, I tried it several times, I was sent to the hospital then. I was off drink for several years.... We were sent there ...(Children’s Home)... to be corrected not to be abused like that. I still wake up at night, some nights I am afraid to go asleep at night, thinking ...(over 20)... years down the road that someone has just come into the room, thinking I am back at that place again, that this ...(sexual and physical abuse)... is happening all over again. Counselling has helped a good bit, but it can’t really bring out what’s happened to you, it can’t take away what’s happened to you.

Many witnesses commented on their limited potential in employment situations due to the neglect of their education. Others reported having difficulty with authority, never looking for promotion, being constantly vigilant and as one witness remarked in relation to the workplace ‘I kept my head down’. A male witness who described continuing difficulties in many areas of his life stated: Nearly every job I had I lost it over the drink because I couldn’t handle it ... (memories of sexual abuse) ... I’d feel more relaxed with the drink otherwise I’d be as nervous as hell... I kind of block it out now, they are bad thoughts ... I just try and get on ... I came ... (to hearing) ... for someone to talk to, you see there is very few people you can talk to. I never tell anybody. I didn’t tell her ... (spouse) ... most of it. I just told them ... (children) ... I was in an orphanage.

As previously reported male and female witnesses stated that their experience of abuse influenced their relationships, particularly as a result of their inability to trust, the sense of shame and the lack of confidence they have endured throughout their lives. I couldn’t really meet people ... I was so used to the orphanage, it was a confined place. It’s hard to explain, you get very paranoid and all of a sudden you think someone is going to force you or something like that... • I didn’t know how to behave with people outside ... I didn’t feel good about myself. I had such an inferiority complex and I didn’t know how to behave ... when I went to a party I’d sit in a corner ...

The separation from their parents and siblings and the difficulties encountered when re-establishing contact with their families following discharge was reported as a continued source of distress and anger for a number of witnesses. A female witness commenting on her attempts to re-establish a relationship with her mother stated: I still wanted to get to know her. I still wanted to understand. I still wanted to be with her ... we just didn’t get on ... all the anger came out ... there was never any closeness there, ever ever. It was so sad ...

Many witnesses reported a life-long history of difficulties coping with everyday life and socialisation. The reported difficulties included isolation, withdrawal, feeling different from their peers, and being unable to show affection to their partners and children. Approximately half of the witnesses reported having been assisted through counselling.

This section of the Report has summarised the experiences of the 61 witnesses who reported abuse in Children’s Homes over a period of 73 years, the majority of whom were discharged after 1960.

Three (3) witnesses stated that they enjoyed going to school where they were well treated by kind teachers whom they believed were sympathetic regarding their home circumstances. Four (4) other witnesses commented on the particular kindness of neighbours whom they believed knew they were not well treated in their foster placements and found opportunities to extend small treats. One witness described being given sweets by the shopkeeper when sent to get alcohol for a foster parent. Other witnesses commented: I would go to a neighbour who I knew would welcome me...they have been very important people in my life, very influential because of their kindness. • I could smell trouble and get out the window like greased lightning and go to the neighbours at the back, they understood.

Four (4) witnesses reported that they were well provided for in their foster homes in terms of being well fed and clothed but that they were expected to work hard in exchange for the care they received, as one witness remarked ‘it was ok until the work started’.

The witnesses who reported abuse in foster care described widely divergent adult life circumstances, the main themes of which are reported below. On the basis of information provided, it is believed that these differences reflect the length of time witnesses spent in out-of-home care, the extent of abuse they were exposed to while in foster care, the circumstances in which the abuse occurred, and the outcome of their disclosures at the time.5

Eleven (11) witnesses were married at the time of their hearings and another three were widowed after marriages of over 20 years’ duration. While acknowledging difficulties, seven of the witnesses reported that their marriages were stable, happy and supportive as did two of those witnesses now widowed: I am so, so lucky I met...wife..., such a lovely woman, I am sure I must have been a terrible torment to her at times. • I was terrified of getting married, I didn’t know if I could love someone...my husband, he put up with me. I wasn’t interested in sex, to me it was dirty, it had no nice romantic feel about it. I feel I was a failure as a wife to him...sex was always a chore and that was wrong, but I could do nothing about it. I tried to compensate... I kept a good home....

Six (6) witnesses reported that their marriages had been or were currently unhappy and unstable, four of them reported living with violent and abusive partners and two were separated from previous partners with whom they had children.

Three (3) witnesses had either married or become involved in a relationship and become pregnant before they were 20 years old. They each described their early relationships as unsuccessful attempts to have a life of their own away from their foster family.