Chapter 14 — Children’s Homes

Current circumstances

In the course of their hearings witnesses also provided information about their mental health. Witnesses’ mental health status was categorised on the basis of the information they provided regarding their past and current well-being, and their need for psychiatric treatment and counselling services. Table 83 outlines witnesses’ current mental health status:

Mental health status	Males	Females	Total witnesses
Good	11	8	19
Reasonable	17	9	26
Poor	10	6	16
Total	38	23	61

Nineteen (19) witnesses described their mental health as good. They commented that generally they had been able to resolve the trauma associated with their childhood abuse in spite of occasional sadness. Some of those witnesses reporting that they benefited from counselling and assistance from mental health and other services, particularly in the early years following discharge.

Twenty six (26) witnesses were categorised as having reasonable mental health. Many of the male witnesses commented that they used alcohol to help them cope with difficult memories. A number stated that they were unable to talk openly to others and found discussion of their past experiences too traumatic and as a result had not used counselling or other services. A male witness commented that he managed to cope with his own depression and suicidal thoughts, stating: ‘I could never go that far... (suicide)... although I often think about it’. Female witnesses in this group commented that in spite of periodic feelings of anxiety or depression they managed to cope with their difficulties with the assistance of ongoing personal and professional support.

The 16 witnesses whose mental health was described as poor gave accounts of frequent and lengthy admissions for inpatient psychiatric treatment, repeated episodes of self-harm and suicide attempts. Nine (9) witnesses reported that they had made one or more suicide attempt and three witnesses reported a history of substance abuse. A number of witnesses described enduring many years of depression, alcohol dependency and extreme anxiety. Some commented that they were dependant on personal support services and required intensive ongoing assistance.

Two (2) witnesses, one male and one female, gave the following accounts of their history and the impact their experience of abuse has had on their adult lives: You would try to block it out of your mind and get on with life but at night it would come, the nightmares.... Crying in bed at night, thinking back on what happened me, it never goes away .... Walking along the street... at night time, you always feared someone was going ...(pause) ... coming behind you ....I always go around with this carving knife in my pocket...cutting my arms was a way of letting the anger out... • I came back to nowhere.... I had nowhere to go. My sister took me in for a while.... I started to get panic attacks, I thought I was dying, I thought I had a brain tumour, the doctor kept on telling me I was alright, it’s not physical. ... I was suicidal, they took me into ... a locked ward, I spent ...(many months)... there. I used to just lose control.... I took overdoses.... Then it...(details of abusive experiences)... started coming out and I started getting angry, I wouldn’t do anything to anybody when I was angry, only to myself and would start cutting my arms ... it was my way of releasing.... They ... (hospital staff) ... said my problems were so deep in the past....

Many of the 38 male and 23 female witnesses described what they believed were the damaging consequences of their experiences of child abuse in Children’s Homes. They described difficulties in many areas of their lives including health, family and social relationships and reported that their childhood experiences of abuse had multiple effects on their adult lives, as outlined in Table 84:

Male witnesses	Female witnesses
Effects on adult life*	Number of reports	Effects on adult life*	Number of reports
Lack of trust	26	Lack of self-worth	20
Angry	19	Lack of trust	16
Counselling required	19	Abuse not easily forgotten	13
Loner	19	Counselling required	13
Suicidal feelings or attempts	19	Feeling different from peers	12
Alcohol abuse	16	Feeling isolated	12
Feeling different from peers	16	Suicidal feelings or attempt	10
Abuse not easily forgotten	14	Loner	8
Feeling isolated	14	Post-traumatic effect	8
Mood instability	14	Unable to show feelings to partner	8
Nightmares	14	Withdrawal	8
Anxious and fearful	13	Angry	7
Aggressive behaviour – verbal	12	Anxious and fearful	7
Lack of self-worth	11	Tearfulness	7
Unable to settle	11	Feelings related to being a victim	7
Feelings related to being a victim	10	Mood instability	7
Unable to show feelings to partner	10	Nightmares	6
Aggressive behaviour – physical	9	Overprotective of children	6
Sleep disturbance	9	Sleep disturbance	6
Unable to show feelings to children	9	Feelings related to being powerless	5
Post-traumatic effect	8	Issues of needing approval	5
Withdrawal	7	Unable to show feelings to children	5
Over harsh with children	6	Alcohol abuse	4
Aggressive behaviour – psychological	5	Find others with similar experiences	4
Tearfulness	5	Issues of self-blame	4
Issues of needing approval	5	Overly compliant behaviour	3
Overprotective of children	5	Sexual problems	3
Sexual problems	5	Aggressive behaviour – verbal	2
Issues of self-blame	4	Fear of failure	2
Feelings related to being powerless	3	Over harsh with children	2
Gender and sexual identity problems	3	Somatic symptoms	2
Thankful for what we have now	3	Aggressive behaviour – physical	1
Fear of failure	2	Aggressive behaviour – psychological	1
Overly compliant behaviour	2	Substance abuse	1
Somatic symptoms	2	Thankful for what we have now	1
Substance abuse	2	Unable to settle	1

The table indicates some gender differences. For instance most of the female witnesses reported issues related to feelings of self-worth compared with less than a third of the male witnesses. Half of the male witnesses reported that they were loners and experienced feelings of unresolved anger, compared with less than a third of the female witnesses.

Sixteen (16) witnesses described feelings of terror, anger and disconnectedness associated with childhood trauma. Others described the fear and enduring shame that sexual abuse generated in them as children and eight witnesses described ongoing psychological and sexual difficulties associated with their sexual abuse. I didn’t go home.... I just started wandering here and there. I went to ...named place of refuge.... I was 13 or 14. I stayed in hostels. Once I came out of there ...(Children’s Home)... I went to hell on the drink, life was really difficult. My life was destroyed, as I get older it gets worse. I ended up in psychiatric hospitals, I used to cut myself up.... I would just get depressed and start thinking of the things that were done to me, it ...(experiences of sexual abuse)...would play on your mind. Then you would think of suicide, I tried it several times, I was sent to the hospital then. I was off drink for several years.... We were sent there ...(Children’s Home)... to be corrected not to be abused like that. I still wake up at night, some nights I am afraid to go asleep at night, thinking ...(over 20)... years down the road that someone has just come into the room, thinking I am back at that place again, that this ...(sexual and physical abuse)... is happening all over again. Counselling has helped a good bit, but it can’t really bring out what’s happened to you, it can’t take away what’s happened to you.

Many witnesses commented on their limited potential in employment situations due to the neglect of their education. Others reported having difficulty with authority, never looking for promotion, being constantly vigilant and as one witness remarked in relation to the workplace ‘I kept my head down’. A male witness who described continuing difficulties in many areas of his life stated: Nearly every job I had I lost it over the drink because I couldn’t handle it ... (memories of sexual abuse) ... I’d feel more relaxed with the drink otherwise I’d be as nervous as hell... I kind of block it out now, they are bad thoughts ... I just try and get on ... I came ... (to hearing) ... for someone to talk to, you see there is very few people you can talk to. I never tell anybody. I didn’t tell her ... (spouse) ... most of it. I just told them ... (children) ... I was in an orphanage.

As previously reported male and female witnesses stated that their experience of abuse influenced their relationships, particularly as a result of their inability to trust, the sense of shame and the lack of confidence they have endured throughout their lives. I couldn’t really meet people ... I was so used to the orphanage, it was a confined place. It’s hard to explain, you get very paranoid and all of a sudden you think someone is going to force you or something like that... • I didn’t know how to behave with people outside ... I didn’t feel good about myself. I had such an inferiority complex and I didn’t know how to behave ... when I went to a party I’d sit in a corner ...

The separation from their parents and siblings and the difficulties encountered when re-establishing contact with their families following discharge was reported as a continued source of distress and anger for a number of witnesses. A female witness commenting on her attempts to re-establish a relationship with her mother stated: I still wanted to get to know her. I still wanted to understand. I still wanted to be with her ... we just didn’t get on ... all the anger came out ... there was never any closeness there, ever ever. It was so sad ...

Many witnesses reported a life-long history of difficulties coping with everyday life and socialisation. The reported difficulties included isolation, withdrawal, feeling different from their peers, and being unable to show affection to their partners and children. Approximately half of the witnesses reported having been assisted through counselling.

This section of the Report has summarised the experiences of the 61 witnesses who reported abuse in Children’s Homes over a period of 73 years, the majority of whom were discharged after 1960.