Chapter 9 — Record of abuse (female witnesses)

Emotional abuse

As reported elsewhere, a large number of witnesses commented on the fragmentation of their families as a result of the deprivation of contact with their siblings and relatives. This separation and loss of contact led to difficulties reintegrating with their family after they were discharged and was reported by many witnesses to be a cause of distress and anger for them, both at the time and in their subsequent lives.

Fifty five (55) witnesses reported that their parents and relatives were either forbidden or discouraged from visiting them, 28 gave accounts that family members were turned away when they arrived at the School. Witnesses who were marked from physical abuse were often not allowed visitors. Others reported that their parents were sent away if deemed to be intoxicated or otherwise unsuitable to be seen. Deprivation of family visits was reported as a routine punishment for alleged misconduct in a number of Schools. I was in there for all the 40s. There was terrible cruelity ...(cruelty)... terrible cruelity. I was writing a letter to my aunt, to tell her of the beatings. They found the note.... She ...(Sr X)... put me across that bed and gave me a terrible beating . ... I never recovered from that beating. I had to take down my clothes and take off my knickers. Oh, that beating ...distressed.... That hurt me very much. I got over the physical, but I often wondered why did they beat me like that? That was hard for me ...crying.... I had to live with that, it affected me terrible. I was not let go on holiday to my aunt that year ...crying....

Following her mother’s death, one witness reported that she and her siblings were placed in the local Industrial School despite, what she believed, was her father’s wish that they remain at home. He did odd jobs in the School for the Sisters and the witness reported not being allowed to speak to him while he was there. She described watching him through a window as he was working and hoping he would look up to see her.

Eighty three (83) witnesses reported that knowledge about their brothers and sisters was withheld or denied by those in charge of the School. The Committee heard evidence that prior to the 1970s, with few exceptions, no attempt was made to maintain contact between siblings in separate institutions or to keep witnesses informed of their siblings’ whereabouts following admission or transfer to different institutions. Some witnesses reported that they never saw their brothers or sisters again after they had left the Court on the day they were placed in the Industrial School. Others reported that information about brothers and sisters who were placed in the same institution was also withheld. Witnesses reported being denied contact with brothers who were in nearby institutions and in a number of Schools the existence of siblings was not acknowledged. He ...(witness’s brother)... came over every Sunday. She ...(Sr X)... didn’t like that. She used to try and find work for me so that I wouldn’t see him. I remember one Sunday the others asked me to get the ball, I climbed up on the scullery roof. She tied me to the stairs for this and when my brother came she sent him down to embarrass him to see his sister tied up. She then sent him up and made him wait and wait, in the end she let me up to see him when she knew he was gone. I was bitter about that.

Some older siblings reported knowing that they had family in the School but that through the arrangement of facilities, with older children separated from younger ones, they lost contact with their own siblings. ‘They separated the brothers and the sisters, if something came up that they had to tell us then you would meet them, you would be lined up.’ Other witnesses said that the practice of referring to residents by their allocated number contributed to loss of contact with their own brothers and sisters as their family name was not used. Alternately witnesses who were admitted to a School at a very young age frequently had no memory of older siblings who may have been with them and then left the School.

The Committee heard three witness accounts of twins being separated. In one instance twins who had been together throughout their lives were separated by the removal of one twin to another School. The separation was instigated by misbehaviour and the Resident Manager’s belief that one twin would be ‘better off’ without the other. The emotional consequences of this trauma were reported to have been enduring.

Thirty five (35) witnesses reported being either given misleading information or denied any information about their parents. One witness was not aware that she had living parents and learned of their existence when told by a Sister that her Confirmation photo would be sent to them. This Sister was reported by another witness to have refused her mother permission to visit and refused to give the witness parcels from home. The Committee heard 47 accounts of letters and parcels being withheld by those in charge of various Schools. We ...(witness and co-resident)... were supposed to be sisters, we were told we were sisters up ’til 11, and then they told us we weren’t and then they split us up.... It was terrible, terrible sad because you thought you had a sister and then you discovered you hadn’t, you were cut away from her.... I didn’t know that my brother and 2 sisters were taken away from my mother and sent to ...named Schools.... I got all that ...(official records)... back about a month ago.... On the files it says my mother wrote to the convent and asked them could she take me back, and some TD, I don’t know what his name is, said “no” and then he said “yes she can go home to the mother”. Then the nuns said “no it wouldn’t be good, the mother would make her go out to work and take the money off her”. I always thought my mother didn’t want me, she had married ... and wrote to the convent.... It had an awful effect on me, that she didn’t want me, but she had tried to get me home to her.... When I read them papers it threw a different light on it, she did try. It was the nuns that were stopping it. The communication went back to when I was about 12 or something, she wanted me back, I have the files.

In addition to the reported trauma associated with loss of contact with parents, relatives and siblings, a small number of witnesses also reported the distress of being removed from weekend and ‘holiday’ families where they had developed strong attachments. Other witnesses recalled being told they were getting ‘too close’ to the family and their placements were terminated. I had one really, really lovely experience with ...named ‘foster’ family.... They wanted to adopt me ...crying... they were lovely, I loved them so much. I would have been educated and been part of a family ...crying... but they weren’t allowed.... I had to go to another family, most of them were awful.

The Committee heard 119 witness reports of emotional abuse in the form of deprivation of affection. Witnesses reported a constant and basic absence of affection and approval during their time in the Schools and that this loss had a lasting impact. Lack of affection was described as the absence of a kind word, praise or encouragement, any gesture or demonstration of affection or the acknowledgement of pain and upset. The lack of an attachment figure and secure relationship left many witnesses feeling disconnected and insecure. Witnesses who were in Schools from a young age reported this absence with particular emphasis. ‘You wouldn’t know what love or sympathy looked like.’ It takes me a long time to trust people.... I know I suffered in my head when I was there, I had a lot of anxiety. ... There was never any contact ... no hug or anything like that.... I don’t ever remember any contact with anyone as a small child.

Several witnesses described being deprived of objects that they were attached to at the time of their admission, including, pictures, dolls and soft toys. This deprivation extended to pets that some witnesses became attached to while they were residents of the Schools. We were not allowed animals.... I was an animal lover, there were wild cats and kittens going around starving, I used to sneak them into the dormitory. I had a kitten. She, this nun, called me one night, I won’t mention her name, if I do it will make me feel sick. ... She said “you see that kitten you have there” ... she got me out of my bed by the hair, and brought me down, they had one of those Aga stoves she said “that cat you have there” ... I can still see the stove that you put coal in the top, she said take “that top off”. I had to go up on my knees, she said “take the top off”, I had to do what I was told. What I had to do next was the killer ...distressed.... I had to put the cat in there and put the lid on it ... and the screams.... Then she...Sister... said “go back to your bed”. The next morning ... she got me out of my bed and she made me rake that fire out ... and I had to pick that up ...crying... and she said “never again bring a cat into this dormitory” ... That’s the worst thing that ever happened to me in ...named School... I think I was about 12 at the time.

The majority of witnesses reported that religious and lay staff actively discouraged commonly used forms of affection, including hugs and words of comfort or approval both between residents and from older girls towards the younger residents in their care. A number of witnesses described the pleasure they obtained from looking after babies and young children for the opportunity it provided to both give and receive affection. They reported that although affectionate attachments were not condoned, they were discreetly maintained. Witnesses recalled not understanding why they were punished for demonstrating their affection to co-residents and friends. Sometimes if the baby cried they would lift it up by its feet and wallop it. You couldn’t have a pet, you were not allowed to show loving towards any little baby. When you were minding ...(babies)... you were not allowed pick it up if it was crying.... You’d have to pick them up and put them on pots, the bigger girls would show you. I remember being put on the pot myself by the older girls. • We were standing in a line for Confession, we were 3 in a line about 20 of us, and you know the way your pal wants to be your partner ...(linking arms)... you want to be hers, you know, like friends. Mth ...X... came along, she just dragged me out of the line by the head and brought me into the store room. She took a big scissors and she ...crying... cut my whole head in pieces, she cut the hair in lumps. She left me there on my knees the whole day, when I would hear her coming, I would be on me hunkers and I would start kneeling. I was kneeling from 12 o’clock until 6 o’clock that evening.

One hundred and six (106) witnesses reported that observing other residents being beaten or otherwise abused was a most disturbing experience that endured in their memory. The public nature of physical abuse, as previously described, led to many residents being routinely exposed to the trauma of watching and hearing their co-residents being abused. I saw her once, this girl was in it ...(bed).... Mth ...X... came up with that cane and pulled out the bedclothes ...crying... she walloped her ...crying... in front of all of us, she walloped her until she was tired ...crying.... That poor girl she suffered, they were very hard on her, the ...lay care staff members... who worked there, punishments were severe. • We witnessed it ...(sexual abuse of co-residents by external clergy).... But we couldn’t do nothing. He used put his hand up and down her skirt. One of the girls, she was abused terrible by him, she spent years in a mental hospital, she was one of the gullible ones. • We used to have a cook. She was very slow, she couldn’t talk right, he ...(external priest)... used go to her room at night-times ...(and sexually abuse her).... We used to hear her cry, her room was beside our bathrooms. All the girls, we didn’t know exactly what he was doing to her, we used hear her cry, she was an old woman but slow, she cried all the time in the kitchen.

Having to observe others being punished was regarded as being a deliberate strategy to deter residents from whatever behaviour was being sanctioned. Witnesses described the particularly harsh treatment to which returned absconders were subjected as an example of punishments being used as a deterrent. Some witnesses reported that watching others being beaten was worse than being beaten oneself, particularly when the resident being beaten was a younger resident or one’s sibling.

Twenty seven (27) witnesses reported watching their own brother or sister being beaten, including at times being forced to assist by restraining their hand or limb while they were being hit. Other witnesses, who were themselves immature, had responsibility for caring for younger co-residents, including siblings, described the distress they experienced when their ‘charges’ were beaten. Some of the kids ...(charges)... used wet the bed they used to have to clean their own bed up and they would be hit. They used to have to clean the faeces and everything, that was not fair, that’s ...(soiling)... a nerves thing. I used to feel sorry for them. I remember a nun beating a child up because he wet his nappy or something, she slapped him with her hand over and over. I said “you shouldn’t beat him”. • I was like a mother hen to them, I loved them and was afraid of anything happening to them. I’d hug them and mind them, I can’t do it now ...(to own children).... My mind was full up of watching my 2 sisters ...(being beaten).... I was never able to say to my children I ...(love you).... • The girl who was in charge of you ...(older girl)... would have to wait by you while you were being beaten, and then they would take you away and clean you up, and stay with you until you were OK.. • My sister ... was making her Holy Communion, I was 5 and she was 7 at the time ...crying.... I was waiting for her to come down with her dress on.... You know the way you were not supposed to eat before Holy Communion? I was waiting and the next thing she was tumbling over the banister, because she ate a sweet. She was thrown over the banister, by Sr ...X.... They were saying, “she ate a sweet, she ate a sweet”, that was totally against the rules you know. I could hear the nun screaming at her, she hit her and she put her over the banister there was kind of a long stairs. I saw blood, I saw her on the floor, that’s my first memory of ...witness’s sister... and I don’t remember anything after that, all I remember is her lying there. I just wanted to see her in her dress. I still have nightmares of that.

Many witnesses reported that they preferred to be beaten themselves than watch others being beaten. They reported that they intervened with staff when possible if a younger or more vulnerable child or sibling was being beaten. The Committee heard three accounts from witnesses who were transferred to more restrictive institutions following such altercations with staff.