2,143 entries for Witness Testimony

Witnesses reported a range of personal responses to being abused, often reporting more than one response: Two hundred and eighty five (285) witnesses reported fear as their main response to being abused; 251 of those witnesses specifically described staff using their status and authority to intimidate and bully the residents. One hundred and ninety three (193) witnesses reported that they did not know what to do and felt powerless to act, with no one to talk to or protect them. One hundred and forty six (146) witnesses who reported becoming withdrawn or mute in the context of ongoing abuse stated that they were afraid of telling anyone what was happening to them. Witnesses described ‘trying to be invisible’ in order to avoid the attention of anyone who might hit or otherwise abuse them. Forty three (43) witnesses reported that they ran away or absconded from the School generally in the context of being severely physically and/or sexually abused. A further 16 witnesses attempted to run away but were either caught or prevented from doing so. Seventeen (17) witnesses reported having suicidal thoughts, 12 of whom reported actively harming themselves while they were resident in the Schools. All attempts of reported self-harm followed episodes of physical, sexual or emotional abuse. Most accounts of suicidal thoughts or wishes related to situations where witnesses described themselves as hoping the abuse would end, not being believed and feeling fearful and helpless. Forms of reported self-harm included taking an overdose of tablets, attempted drowning, refusing to eat, ingesting objects and poisonous substances, jumping from heights, and self-harm by mutilation or burns. Eight (8) witnesses reported that they developed eating disorders or feigned illness, which in some instances led to hospitalisation. One day I thought I would poison myself. ... I sat down one day all on my own ...crying... and I got a bundle of haws and started putting them in my mouth and I said “maybe God will take me” ...crying.... ... It didn’t work. In the month of the poor souls I always prayed that someone would come and take me ...(wishing would die).... • Sometimes the window would be open, and I’d say “I’ll jump out the window if you touch me again”. One time I said “I’m going to drop down to the concrete and kill myself if you touch me”. I got 3 weeks of beatings for that. • One day ... I got a beating. I thought I’m going to end up killing myself, I can’t take any more, I wanted to kill myself. We went out and walked along by the railway tracks and walked along waiting for the train to come to throw myself under it. If I seen a train ... I’d be ready for a coffin....

Other responses to abuse described by witnesses included: bed-wetting, self-blame, suppression of anger, crying and becoming withdrawn. ‘I went into myself after that ...(severe beating)... sort of gave up, never talked to anyone, went into myself. I stopped talking.’ Many witnesses reported that they had not bed-wet prior to their admission and considered bed-wetting to be a response to being abused. I was getting terrible lashings. Sometime it would be 2 nuns, sometimes it would be one, you got the stick, the cane. I did not know why they were lashing me and then I realised it was for wetting the bed.... I had started to wet the bed.... There would be nights I wouldn’t sleep for fear I would wet the bed.

Ten (10) witnesses reported that they intervened to protect another resident, sometimes their sister or brother, from being beaten and others described instances of spontaneous assertion in retaliation to being abused, including both physically and verbally challenging their abuser. Assertive responses resulted at times in protection from further beatings and at other times witnesses were punished, isolated or transferred to other institutions. Some witnesses described feeling relief when they stood up for themselves. I stood up for myself, I had to fight back or I wouldn’t have come out alive. • They put me into a kind of detention room after that ...(confrontation with religious Sister).... For a week I was on my own.... I said to myself maybe it’s me causing the trouble. I kinda went in on myself after that. • I just rebelled and I tore off her veil and called her a bloody old bitch. She dragged me off by the hair, she said “that’s the last of you”. She ran off up the corridor and I knew I was in for it then, she always threatened ...(that)... she would get rid of me and she did. She sent me off that night to ...named laundry....

Two hundred and eighty four (284) witnesses, 168 male and 116 female, recounted the kindness of individual religious and lay staff. The witness description most often reported was the absence of physical abuse, ‘He did not hit’ and ‘she didn’t hit girls or scream at them’ were typical of remarks by witnesses regarding kind members of the religious staff. Other acts of kindness by religious and lay staff reported to the Committee included being given extra food, spoken to kindly, shown affection, having a blind eye turned to behaviour others would report, creating a positive environment and being called by one’s first name rather than by a number or surname. Another kindness was being allowed to have pets particularly cats and dogs as occasionally reported. Other witnesses commented on the special attention they received from individual staff that continued over a number of years and was of lasting benefit. Br ...X... he seemed to have an understanding of us, he was the best one I met in my life. I felt safe with him, he didn’t wear the strap like a 6 gun, ready to shoot everyone, compared to the others he was kind. He was able to help with my reading and he would put a mark saying “well done!” • One very, very kind person, she was Sr ...X... she was old, a lovely person. I have great memories of her. She would come in to call us, open up the curtains and she would be singing in the morning. She was lovely to us, she wasn’t long there. • The kindest thing that ever happened to me was a nurse, she was called ...Ms X... we were all around saying the Rosary and she put a sweet in my hand, one sweet. I didn’t want to eat the sweet I wanted to hold on to it, somebody gave me something, somebody was kind. It became a regular thing about once a week, one sweet. I began to look forward to it....

There were several religious Sisters and Brothers mentioned with affection by witnesses from different Schools. One Brother who was named by eight witnesses was reported to have supervised the residents on Sundays and encouraged them to talk to him. He was described as often giving sweets to those who were crying or upset and speaking kindly to them. Six (6) female witnesses from one School recalled a Sister who had been caring and kind throughout their time spent in the institution. It was remarked that acts of kindness were generally demonstrated in private. Words of encouragement and praise were remembered warmly by witnesses as rare experiences and were usually reported to have been associated with particular named staff members. One Brother was kind and used to give me a bit of a boost, when playing football he’d say “you’re good”. • Sr ...X... who worked in the laundry was kind, if I got coal for her she would say “you’re a good girl” and “thank you”, such was the level of deprivation that one word of kindness was remarkable. Sr ...Y... who worked in the kitchen was also kind, she gave bread dipped in gravy. • One nun she was absolutely lovely, I am a nurse today because of her, she was the nun in the infirmary, she would get you something and say “don’t say a word”. • They were not all bad – there was one Brother he was an old man, he was. When he got his food he would take it out of his pocket and give it to us, bread and butter it was lovely it was. He was a lovely old man. • It was kinda safe around him, I used to like going for walks with him; no one else could touch you when you were out with him. • A nun would call girls over and give them food out of her pocket and say “there creatureen, run”.

The encouragement and kindness of some lay classroom teachers was recalled with appreciation by 41 male and 17 female witnesses. These reports referred both to teachers within the Schools and others who taught residents attending local primary, secondary and technical schools in the community. ‘Teachers who treated us without prejudice were a joy’. The lay teachers encouraged you to do homework, they had hope in you, they wanted you to do well.

Particular lay care staff, including some who were former residents of the School, were described by 25 female witnesses as kind and protective: ‘she understood, she would not report you’. However, witnesses also remarked that kind staff did not stay long or that they changed their behaviour and attitude as they were assimilated into the culture of the institution. Witnesses discharged from the mid-1970s increasingly described lay staff as promoting changes in the conditions in the Schools and attempting to offer protection from abuse. Some lay staff were a good team, they used to fight ...(for residents).... I heard them fighting on the phone with Sr ...X (Resident Manager)... for better things for the kids.

Fifteen (15) male and 16 female witnesses from different Schools reported that a change of Resident Manager or other person regarded as being in a position of special authority led to a decrease in abuse and an improvement in the general routine and care. Witnesses remarked on the relief experienced when new Resident Managers changed practices of communal bathing and showering and made provision for residents to have more privacy. Six (6) of those reports related to the period prior to 1960. Improvements reported in the 1970s included increased contact between siblings and family members, less physical punishment, a change from dormitories to small cubicles with more privacy, better hygiene practices, attending schools in the local town and being part of activities in the local area. All of these changes were described as having positive benefit. They took down our names and date of birth. My older sister told them my birth date, she knew as older sisters would. My birth date was written “unknown”. “Anything about this child known?” It was written down “unknown”. I was being treated for a heart problem before I went ... it was written down “unknown”. I was given a number ... and there I was given a name I didn’t know. The head nun changed after a year and a half and she looked through the records and noticed I didn’t have a name or anything and got my birth date and my name, I had had no name for a year.

The kindness of external clergy from the local community was remembered by a small number of witnesses and left a lasting impression. One member of the clergy was reported by several witnesses to use his influence to modify conditions for residents within the School and attempted to ensure their protection. The priest, who used to come in ...(to the School)... he came up and gave me 10 shillings, and a word of kindness. I don’t know how he knew I was going ...(being discharged)... and he didn’t want anything for it. It was such an act of kindness, the nuns gave me 2/6 pence and no word of anything. The bus fare was 4/6 pence, had it not been for him, he probably changed a lot of lives by his act of kindness. I knew there was someone in the world who had been kind, just ...(that)... one act of kindness.

The positive experience of becoming involved in family life, forming attachments and having relationships outside the School in a non-abusive environment was commented on by many witnesses. Further positive memories of ‘holiday’ family contact included the experience of respect for privacy in matters of self-care, being given new and fashionable clothes, receiving Christmas and birthday presents, and having better and more plentiful food. ‘Godparents’, ‘holiday’, work placement and foster families were also reported by a number of witnesses as acting as advocates for them and as challenging punitive decisions made by the religious staff concerning witnesses. Twenty eight (28) witnesses described being treated as a member of the family and reported being given assistance to pursue further education and training. My first job, the people ...(work placement family)... were very nice, they were very good to me. Br ...X... fixed up all that, they took me everywhere. They took me out for meals. They were like a mother and father.... • Going out to “godmother’s” family opened my eyes to how life could be, they were very kind and fought to keep the contact when the nuns stopped it because they thought I was spoilt ... they saved my sanity.

Seventy one (71) witnesses, 32 male and 39 female, reported that contact with their own parents, siblings and relatives was a positive experience that was greatly valued. Annual holidays spent with family at Christmas or summer as well as visits from parents, grandparents and other family members were regarded as something to look forward to and were reported by witnesses to be a protective factor against beatings. Further, ongoing family contact after admission was consistently emphasised by witnesses as having a positive influence on reintegration with their families after discharge. The positive value of letters, parcels and other chance contacts such as meeting and seeing brothers and sisters while out walking or in the church were also recalled as positive memories by witnesses. The family was supportive and kept in contact, visits, parcels, and summer holidays home. I went back home.

Efforts made by parents and relatives to visit and stay in contact with witnesses, following admission to the Schools, were also retained as good memories. A number of witnesses were aware during their stay in the Schools that their parents and/or relatives made considerable efforts to maintain contact with them and support them while they were there. Others became fully aware in recent years of the efforts made in this regard. Mam always came to visit us during school holiday, Christmas and Easter and that. She was working in London.

Eighty (80) witnesses, 46 male and 34 female, reported that when they disclosed abuse, their complaints were dealt with in a positive manner and generally the abuse ceased. Disclosures of abuse were made to parents, relatives, siblings, external professionals, gardaí, religious and lay staff including Resident Mangers and others in positions of authority. The relief of being listened to and believed was described by witnesses as a turning point in their experience of being in the Schools. Positive responses to disclosures of abuse included being moved from the situation where the abuse occurred, having reports of abuse taken up formally by parents and relatives through written representations to the Department of Education and confronting religious staff in charge of the Schools regarding the reported abuse. Further positive responses to these interventions included early discharge from the Schools, the dismissal or admonishment of abusive staff and the cessation of further abuse. I told my mother about a lot of the abuse. She wrote in to the Minister and she conveyed my complaints and she got a letter back to say “in view of the circumstances I am releasing ...witness... to the custody of his mother”.

Thirty one (31) female witnesses from eight Schools gave varying accounts of ongoing friendship networks including some who meet regularly and support each other through life crises. A number of witnesses were accompanied to the Committee by women who had been their childhood friends and others who provided support to them when they were first discharged from the Schools many years ago. Witnesses described the importance of their friendships with men and women who ‘really understand what it was like to have been there’. Other witnesses described the enormous sense of loss they experienced when discharges precluded the opportunity to say goodbye to their friends. Never being able to say goodbye to your friends, that is my real tragedy, it haunts me to this day. All these years wondering what has happened to them are they alive, are they dead? We were so close, we were as close as sisters.

Other aspects of work were reported by witnesses as positive experiences. For example, one witness enjoyed ploughing with workhorses kept on the School’s farm and another had a particular talent for handling animals. Witnesses commented on the pleasure they got from working alongside kind staff in these areas. One witness described looking forward to the days when she worked on the School’s farm: She ...(Sr X)... gave me extra eggs and potatoes and I always remember the good feeling I had ...(working with her)....