2,143 entries for Witness Testimony

Witnesses spoke about the indignity they experienced at the hands of staff, especially in relation to personal hygiene and toileting. I used to go home for the summer and used to come back for the head shaving and the sheep dipping ... for lice. ... I suppose we weren’t as health conscious then as we are now. The bus used to collect us in the afternoon and drop us back to ...(named hospital)... and a male orderly that was on would be there, there was no “welcome back” or greeting or anything, just fuck them all in the bath and the disinfectant piled in and you’d be brought out and your head shaven completely. ... The staff didn’t care what way you were treated, every kid went through it. • When we didn’t have wheelchairs we had to crawl up the steps on our knees, to go to the toilet out in the yard, and in the wintertime that is terrible when you’re not able to walk. ... But they treated us any way they liked, that was their idea, we had to do what they wanted, not what you wanted yourself.

One female witness reported being prevented from using her wheelchair to go the bathroom by herself, although she was capable of managing the task independently. The witness commented that, instead, she was ‘manhandled’, in and out of the toilet. Similarly, she reported not being allowed to feed or dress herself as she was considered too slow. Another witness described the way in which toileting was managed on the ward of a hospital where children were bed-bound but not immobile: They ... (staff)... hated to be disturbed at night.... If one wanted to go the bathroom we defecated or wee’d ... (urinated)... into our face flannels and we’d all rush to the loo in the morning to get rid of it.... Scrubbing and scrubbing the face flannels.... The smell of it was appalling.

Three (3) male witnesses reported being bed-bound and having to pass a urine bottle around from one to the other and being punished if it was dropped. There was this pee jar ... (urine bottle)... it was passed from bed to bed between the lads. ... This morning I dropped it and she ... (Sr X)... came around with the stick.... I got 24 slaps on the hand, she couldn’t hold my hand in front, to hit me on the hand in front ...(due to disability)... and what did she do but she pulled the hand behind and hit me like that ...distressed... I got 24 slaps.

Other witnesses reported being reluctant to request assistance from certain staff who complained when asked to take them to the toilet. The witnesses reported they were subsequently punished for wetting or soiling themselves. One witness who wet her bed was put outside at night to await the ‘special ghost train that comes to take children who wet their bed’. Another witness gave the following account of being punished because his physical disability prevented him from being able to perform certain functions: The abuse was unbelievable, Jaysus, like, the beatings for no reason. I was beat for being unable to tie my shoes.... This particular nun... (distressed) ... was most abusive, it was one of them ... (wooden stick)... she had.... I could not put down my hand... Witness described particular physical disability....They beat me the whole day the day of the Communion because I could not put my hand down, for the photograph for my mother.... You were afraid of your livin’ daylights.

Tensions between staff members were described as, at times, influencing how patients were treated. A witness reported overhearing an argument about her admission to the ward. She was aware that certain staff objected to her admission and she believed she was treated harshly as a result. Other witnesses reported overhearing staff discussing their personal attributes and medical conditions as if they were not there, without any direct discussion with the witnesses themselves. They used have a discussion when they were bathing me, on my head, the size of me head and I remember them saying “this one has a very small head, I wonder will she be alright”. I remember thinking “what am I going to do about my small head?”...

Many witnesses were admitted to hospitals that were located long distances from their family home, and as a result family contact was unavoidably disrupted. Those who had lengthy admissions frequently reported feeling alienated from their family as a result. I was in ...X... hospital from birth. I was born with a disability called ...named condition.... I spent all my life in and out of institutions. ... I had a lot of operations, I was going for experimentation because they didn’t know a lot about it ... (named condition).... I was very little at home, they sent me home once for a holiday but I had to come back because I didn’t know what home was. My mother would visit about once a fortnight, but I knew very little about brothers or sisters.

Eight (8) witnesses reported that their lengthy admissions to hospitals or county homes were in the context of social or family difficulties, combined in most instances with specific health problems. I hope to God that anyone, ... never has to go to a place like that anymore ... you see you don’t know what places are like when you don’t know nothing about them, when you are just landed in and they ...(family members)... say “I have to leave you here now and I’ll be up ...(to visit)... and I’ll write and I’ll ring you and see what happens”, and there’s me left sitting there thinking “what’s next?”

A number of witnesses commented that there was nobody they could talk to about the abuse they experienced. Some witnesses had no visitors and others remarked that there was no opportunity to talk privately when visitors did come. Witnesses with communication difficulties were particularly disadvantaged in relation to disclosing the abuse they were experiencing at the time. Witnesses also commented on the fact that they did not understand what was happening to them and were afraid to talk to anyone about it: I kind of know why I didn’t tell my mother what was going on, because I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong, so if I’d have told my mother she’d have gone mad. • I used hear the nun saying “are you going to tell your mammy, are you going to tell your mammy?”...then it clicked, I said to myself that if I tell my mother then I’ll get another hiding. • I couldn’t tell my parents ... (about sexual abuse) ...you just done what you were told. There was very little communication ... I didn’t know what the hell was going on, I thought it was all medical and you’d be thinking what were they at?

Ten (10) witnesses reported telling someone about the abuse they experienced. Seven (7) of the reported disclosures were to parents or relatives and three were made to external professionals, including social workers, gardaí and a school counsellor. A number of other witnesses reported that they disclosed the abuse they had experienced for the first time when they attended the Commission. It is so important to tell someone about my experience...about what happened to me in hospital. The only time I ever talked about it before was to my wife... (recently)...not all the details. I wanted to tell someone, I didn’t know who to tell. I was going to tell the guard... (gardai)..., but that would upset all my family...I dearly wanted to tell someone, in case I passed away and it would never be told.

Another witness told a relative that he was being beaten. When a complaint was made to the religious Sister in charge about the witness’s treatment the relative was sent a written request to stop visiting, which he ignored. The witness commented that he subsequently received better treatment, especially when he had visitors. It was worse for others, I had ...relative... who visited me, they... (relatives)... took me out and I told them.... Relatives... confronted staff ... to an extent it made a difference, I was left alone for the day they knew ...relative... was coming. Sr ...X...wrote to my mother to stop... relative... coming to visit me.

Fourteen (14) witnesses reported having a stable work record with regular employment in a variety of occupations including nursing, teaching, management, shop and factory work, and skilled trades. Five (5) witnesses reported being actively involved in the disability sector. Nine (9) other witnesses reported having erratic work histories as unskilled and casual workers. Others who had been in hospital for long periods of their childhood commented that the lack of formal education, training and preparation for independent living made it initially difficult for them to find employment or to progress beyond unskilled or casual work. I had no education, my work wouldn’t involve money, I wouldn’t be able to make up money or fill books, so all my work was on a building site... with the shovel and pick. • My first job, I felt so stupid... this woman said to me “what time is it?” and I said “I haven’t got my glasses with me”...so she said “how can you do your stitching then?”...she knew I couldn’t tell the time and she helped... (taught)... me.

Nineteen (19) witnesses described having reasonable physical health. They reported current physical health problems that were age related and/or the manageable consequences of their particular medical condition. I’m on an invalidity pension, it seems when you have my complaint it can affect a lot of things so I have to see a specialist a couple of times a year. • I had a discharge in me ear, all that banging around the head and pulling your hair gave me a mastoid, I’m sure it did...all the smacking around and the noise over not speaking up...

Eight (8) witnesses reported experiencing a notable level of depression, for which four witnesses reported receiving treatment including medication and hospitalisation. They reported their difficulties to have lessened as they got older and also in response to treatment and counselling. I was cracking up except I didn’t know it...I remember I was working in...X company...I remember crying and not knowing why, and not being able to stop it and I knew that I was in trouble....The best decision ever was to accept responsibility for my life, that I was the only one who could do anything about it... • I had to go for a lot of therapy then...I was very angry, very aggressive. I was depressed, I didn’t know what was happening to me...I went for a long time, I found it very helpful.

The experience of feeling abandoned by parents and family was frequently reported by witnesses in relation to their hospitalisation. Thirteen (13) witnesses, especially those who remained in hospital for a substantial period of their childhood, remarked on the sense of loss they experienced. Several witnesses commented that their admission to hospital was a distressing experience for their parents, and in some instances led to a sense of alienation from the family members who had remained at home. Many witnesses commented that, as a result of being hospitalised, they felt different from their siblings and less a part of their family: I had my own ways of doing things, I was bold...what they... (family) ... would call bold, because in the hospital you had to fight, I had to fight for whatever...to be myself, whatever that was, They ...(family) ... found that difficult. • I remember losing any sense of belonging, or any sense of family at quite an early age. • It was very difficult to fit back into the family when discharged from hospital, I remember being brought home and remember there was a party and I was taken around to each one of them ... (siblings) ... and I didn’t know any of them...distressed...and that was hard.

Witnesses commented that childhood experiences of separation and isolation made it more difficult to form close attachments with their own partners and children. Witnesses who were sexually abused described a particular difficulty in relation to intimate relationships in adulthood. I was very angry with my husband and then I said “He doesn’t deserve this”... I had to let him alone...he was a good man ... I had to look at my own issues... we are still together anyway!