4,228 entries for Historical Context

Witnesses consistently reported that the damaging consequences of their childhood abuse also affected the next generation. Twenty two (22) reports were heard by the Committee of witnesses being excessively harsh, overprotective or of being unable to demonstrate affection to their children. They’ll have a good childhood ... I’ll find a balance. I’m sure it shows through sometimes ... (spouse) ... thinks I’m too liberal with them ... • I don’t think I’ve ever damaged them since... I love them ... they treat me now as the child ... I love it ... we’ve had some hard times together but we get on and they’re great.

Twenty seven (27) witnesses reported that the traumatic effect of their abusive experiences had led to significant distress and reported that they suffered from panic and anxiety attacks. Witnesses also described other continuing effects that had a negative influence on work, social and personal areas of adult life. Many witnesses commented on struggling with anxiety, feelings of guilt, fear of failure and powerlessness. Twenty six (26) witnesses reported that they experienced impulsive anger and at times were aggressive in their behaviour. A male witness who reported sexual abuse over a number of years gave the following description of its enduring effect on many areas of his adult life: I just ran and ran and I’m running since.... I was on the move and have stayed on the move for last 35-40 years. A lot of jobs, a lot of places, big jobs, small jobs, dirt jobs, high jobs.... business is gone, no money... You feel so powerless,... a non-entity...

Forty six (46) witnesses reported that they had required counselling and psychiatric treatment in order to enable them cope with the enduring effects of their childhood abuse. Thirteen (13) of these 46 witnesses reported having received in-patient psychiatric treatment. Eleven (11) of the 46 witnesses reported actively attempting to take their own lives and a further 15 reported that they experienced suicidal thoughts currently or in the past. A witness stated that he had ‘a lot of problems with health... I was in hospital... I spent a year really suicidal.’

Thirty two (32) witnesses reported abusing alcohol, and described other associated distress, including disturbed sleep and at times excessive vigilance and suspicion: ‘If I see people talking I wonder is it about me, I am still running away from it ... (memories of abuse) ...’

Many witnesses commented on the benefit for them of being believed, understood and supported by their counsellors, others in the health services and fellow survivors of abuse. A witness commenting on the value for him of group support stated: ‘... I feel when I come out of the group I’m not on my own, I’m not a freak ...’

Others who reported being repeatedly subjected to severe sexual and physical abuse over a sustained period of time reported that, in spite of their abuser’s criminal conviction, monetary compensation or family support their lives continued to be troubled by feelings of anger and despair. A small number of male witnesses expressed anger that their abusers were transferred to other schools: ‘The rate at which they were moved, I don’t understand why.’ The thing that hurts most is that there was a paedophile ring running in that school, I know 5 guys that were abused and are now dead. Nobody did anything ... dead pupils don’t count .... If they put their hands up and said “what happened was well out of order, what can we do to help?” ...(but)... nobody gives a shit, they do nothing.

A number of witnesses commented that adversarial processes and criminal investigations in recent years had both reactivated the trauma of past abuses and brought some relief and validation. It isn’t like as if it was all those years ago, it’s like as if it was 5 minutes ago ...crying....

Witnesses gave accounts of physical or verbal aggression that affected their relationships. Others described enduring feelings of anger and reported that their abusive experiences are not easily forgotten. When I drank no one could ever hurt me, no one could physically hurt me again. I drank like a fish.... I’d get terrible flashbacks ... (to episodes of sexual abuse with violence)... and then I’d get panic attacks. I had no respect for myself.... I had numerous hospitalizations ...described attempts at self-harm.... I ended up in the ... (homeless shelter).... There’s a child ... that I haven’t seen for ... years. There was no point because of the drink.

All male witnesses who reported abuse in Novitiates stated that they left the religious Communities as young adults. They gave accounts of feeling disconnected for many years and had difficulties settling in work, relationships and accommodation. Three (3) witnesses described experiencing shame as having ‘let the whole family down’ or that they had brought shame on both themselves and their families. One male witness commented that he found it difficult to live in Ireland with the label of having failed to complete religious training. Witnesses reported that treatment for depression, alcohol abuse, and issues related to trust and anger contributed to more settled lives and relationships in later years.

Fifteen (15) witnesses reported that they required counselling and therapy currently or in the past, a number of whom described the benefit for themselves and for their families. My counsellor, she was a life-saver really. She understands, she was very conscious of the fact of the effect it could have on me. She is the one person I don’t feel ashamed with, I felt ashamed most of my life, I felt bad most of my life. I’m working hard at not feeling bad again.... When I walk up the street I’m still very much on the edge....

Six (6) male witnesses reported that they had histories of involvement in criminal activity and associated violence, four of whom gave accounts of having served custodial sentences. These witnesses each reported being abused in more than one out-of-home facility as children. ...Thirty five years ago this happened to me.... I know I’m a decent person or I was a decent person until I was 14 years of age, I didn’t know anything. I just feel bitter and resentful, why I couldn’t have a better life, a better marriage and do the things a father wants to be? I’ll never be their father because I’m not around.... It carried with me all my life, the violence, which I’m not proud of...

Difficulties in work situations, overcoming poor self-image, lack of self-worth and educational disadvantage was commonly reported. Female witnesses described being anxious, fearful, lacking trust and having episodes of tearfulness. A number of those who had experienced abuse in laundries and other residential facilities described effects such as claustrophobia, sleep disturbance, enduring anger, and shame related to having been ‘inside an institution’. Other witnesses described feelings of guilt and self-blame, which in some instances led them to feel that they were responsible for the sexual and other abuse they had suffered: I couldn’t have a man who showed friendship to me. Every time you had a good job I moved....There was a man who ... (offered assistance with employment)...I couldn’t trust him. That happened a lot of times in my life...

A number of witnesses commented to the Committee that the effects of their childhood abuse ‘are still felt’, and as one witness reported; ‘for several years I had nightmares of being drawn back to the Institution’. Others remarked that coping with memories of childhood abuse is a constant struggle: The older I get I find these years haunt me, I will carry it to the grave with me.... The nuns made you feel as if you’re a nobody and you never have any roots.... As the years go by you try not to be spiteful, I try not to be bitter. ... I have bad days and then I have good days.